Hip-hop
is a tough genre to break into, and even a tougher genre
to break out in. Pittsburg's Grand Buffet don't care
though. For 5 years now, Grape-A-Don and Lord Grunge
- the funkiest white-boy hip-hop duo since, um...well
since the dawn of time - have been touring non-stop,
making videos, and recording and releasing records (3
EPs and one LP, to be exact), all without the help of
labels, management, or Mom and Dad's money. Over the
course of their career, GB have shared the stage with
such musical luminaries as Wesley Willis, D-12, and
Modey Lemon, amongst others. In between their latest
tours, Smash Magazine got the opportunity to chat with
Grunge and Grape, and subjected them to our now infamous
Random Questions.
1. Let's talk about the state of hip hop these days.
What are your feelings on the vastly popular, yet mostly
watered down hip hop music that rules the airwaves and
MTV?
Lord Grunge: Actually, I really dig a lot of
the major label rap shit these days. Jay Z is killing
shit. Love the new RZA record. Radio's weak because
you can't say "fuck" and too many goddamned commercials,
and MTV sucks shit because of all the whack, fucked
up shows they air. If they showed more videos, shit
would be kinda tight.
Grape-A-Don: Most of the folks running things
on the airwaves are interested in quick , short term
profits. No development for new artists that don't go
gold their first time out. Sink or swim. Bad business
and bad melodies. Most of today's best artists are not
on MTV because they will not compromise their "vision"
however bullshit or fantastic it might be. If you know
what you like you can still find silver dolphins in
a sea of shit .
2. You guys have released 4 EPs on your own, I believe.
Any major or indie label interest?
Lord Grunge: 3 EPs and one full length, baby.
We've had nominal interest from majors, but they're
all chicken shit. As far as indie labels go, they're
ususally just more broke and more pretentious than majors.
If a label comes to us with a hot deal, they're hot.
Until that happens, they all suck dicks.
Grape-A-Don: Nothing that could finance my ROBOCOP
- themed casino.
3. Would you sign to a bigger label if the opportunity
arose?
Lord Grunge: If the deal was hot, yeah, sure.
Grape-A-Don: If they could make my 4-year-old
son and my mortgage disappear, I'll sign anything they
want.
4. How do you feel about rappers crossing over into
acting?
Lord Grunge: If they can act, it's all good.
Ice-T holds it down. 2 Pac held it down. Eminem held
it down. Even Mos Def can hold it down as an actor.
Even though I'd rather fuck my mother than bump one
of his records.
Grape-A-Don: I think it's a logical progression.
Rodney Dangerfield did it the other way around.
5. I know Lord Grunge had a role in an indie film
once (in fact, you gave me the black shirt/jacket thing
you wore in that film when you were in town last). Would
either of you take a role in a big Hollywood movie?
And if so, what kind of role would you like to play?
Lord Grunge: Movies are the shit. We've always
been about trying to conquer Hollywood, and we still
intend to. As far as a major film role, I think Michael
Madsen and I could do the best fucking buddy cop action
movie EVER. This is not bullshit, this is science.
Grape-A-Don: I would love to be involved in any
Paul Verhoeven film . I would like to be involved in
a film depicting the Vietnam War as "A sexy new world
where the cars are fast and the women and children are
even faster!"
6. Eminem did 8 Mile. Have you ever thought of doing
666 Mile - The Grand Buffet Story?
Lord Grunge: You've created a humor vacuum.
Grape-A-Don: Nope.
7. Not that you're from California or anything, but
how do you feel about Governer Arnold Schwartzenegger?
Lord Grunge: It sucks because I'm a huge fan
of his movies. His politics suck shit. It's easy to
hate Bush, or the Pope, or someone who just looks like
an evil piece of dung. But Arnie's played so many rad
heroes. It's a kick in the balls to see him working
for the bad guys. .
Grape-A-Don: Not too good. If he had the conviction
and courage of his Hollywood roles he would break President
Bush's ass - not kiss it . Not to mention the fact that
he campaigned for Kurt Waldheim - once the head of the
UN and a former top seated Nazi. Schwarzenegger knowingly
joined Enron chieftain Kenneth Lay and convicted stock
swindler Mike Milken on May 17, 2001, at the Peninsula
Hotel in Los Angeles as part of a campaign to sabotage
a Davis-Bustamante plan to make Enron and other power
pirates (then ravaging California) pay back the $9 billion
in illicit profits they carried off. With Schwarzenegger
as Governor the "ethical, patriotic, & sweet guys" that
financed his campaign will be out of the spotlight.
Schwarzenegger's also the lap dog of the shape-shifting
reptilians that rule the world & T.G.I. Fridays.
8. You've played Las Vegas a few times. How do you
feel about Sin City?
Lord Grunge: I fucking love it, man. I really
do. Every time I'm in Vegas it's some shit. Usually
rad shit. I was actually sick as fuck last time we were
there, so I had to stop gambling early. But it was good
because I was up like 350 bills. But yeah, Vegas is
the shit. I dig action, I dig energy. Vegas has tons
of both.
Grape-A-Don: I enjoy the perversity of it all
, but if I lived in Las Vegas I would probably eat a
bullet. What's the new slogan "kill a hooker and no
one will tell your family or friends about it?" Or something
like that.
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